What to do

Happy Almost Birthday to CHEYANNE. I can believe she is almost 10 already time is going to fast. But it feels like it is standing still. As I sit here staring out the window I think to myself what do I want to do. I see the van just sitting there. And wonder if I climb in how far can I make it. I need to get to Missouri. But what about the ones I would leave behind. I could drive it at night. But could I leave Seth, Tom and Mom behind? I was so tempted yesterday to just get in and go. I miss Walter so much and it is getting harder and harder to say goodnight to him. The kids cry that they want there dad more and more. I keep telling them over and over that he misses them too. And he does. It suck that the van is the only thing holding us back here. As well as the family we will be leaving. I feel like I did this to Matt and Seth there father wasn't around and if I had just done something a little different maybe there father would of stayed. Not that I think Walter is leaving but it hard to tell them that there dad misses them too. And can't just come running home to them. Cheyanne wants him here for her birthday and I want him here for our anniversary or I just want us to be together as a family. And I am sure my family would just like to get there families back to normal too. Matt and Crystal got me a phone so I can call the ones on cingular now. And I will! You I will make you crazy. I feel so alone at times. I can't say that I haven't had some fun with this adventure in my life. I have got to spend more time with my family. I have been out with them places like stores. Except I never see enough of Cora. She seems to be coming when I am going. Never seem to meet up. Whyatt is finally putting some weight on. I am finally starting to take some off. This summer has made me lose almost 20 pounds. But all my clothes are oh yah in storage. I just wish we could get somewhere get everything out and live like humans. Matt and Crystal did great on midterms. Just incase they didn't tell anyone yet. I WILL! I made Seth mad at me this week he never really gets mad at me but he wouldn't talk to me. So that kind of made me feel like shit. I hope he still isn't though. I tried calling there last night but didn't get to talk to him. That is if he would talk to me. I don't blame him his life has been hell and it is not over yet. For all that thinks he needs a job well you can stop he needs working papers first and I really just don't have the money to get him his physical yet. Plus with no van it is hard for either of us to get a job. Expecially since we are limited to areas. Well I have some thinking to do and the kids are starting to wake up now. So catch me later.

Family

There is something to being a family. No matter how much we disagree as a family on things one thing that I love about my family is we all stick together. No matter what blow hole comes along we always stick together. To who ever is leaving me messages the reason I write in my blog let me stress that again MY BLOG is for my family to read. I don't remember saying ever hey why don't you help yourself to read it. But it really doesn't bug me if you leave your little remarks. Sticks and stones break bones your words are meaningless. I know that you can't help yourself to leave your remarks but we as a family will retaliate. Our words can hurt as bad as yours. But I don't understand why you would try hurting someones feeling when you barely know them. There is plenty of things you can pick on me about I really don't care. The fact I am fat, ugly, have been with out several things at several times in my life. But there is one thing I can say I have a family and they love me I love them. And no one and nothing will ever tear us apart.
Ok done with that. Now on to what I really want to talk about.

I had the best day Thursday that I have had in a long time. I spent the day with all my kids. We went out to lunch and did some running around. I haven't gone out with all my kids in a long time. Then we went shopping. It is a day I will remember for ever. Saturday Jess came up and picked up Seth and I. We had fun that day too. Was going to work on getting some stuff out of storage. That really didn't happen so instead I got to go see Cora. Haven't seen her in what seems like forever. We kidnapped Carrie from work when she was done. That was fun.

I am still waiting to hear some news from Deryl. I hear I maybe a great aunt but I knew I would be any way. But I still want him to stop trying to send the sun away. Hi to him and Tina glad you stopped by my site. I laughed and laughed when I read the comments. Don't be strangers. I don't have the phone but you know how to get in touch so stay in touch.

This section is to Walter I miss you so very very much and I can't wait to be with you. I can say I am glad you have to wash your own clothes. I just wish I could send you everyone else to wash too. Oh yeah and I probably have enough quarters to do your laundry. The kids miss you so very much too. I know you want to be here as much as I want to be there. And I know that this is the only thing we can do. But sometimes I think I will go crazy before we are together again. I know that I make you crazy someday but I really really miss you.

Other things I can't believe Cheyannes birthday is coming up. Going to be 10 already. She loves art and is getting to be quite the artist. I missed Grandpa's birthday this past week and Gerry's is coming up. I remember when Gerry was just a little baby. I feel old. But to all a Happy Birthday.